By watching others ring the bell, I hope you are motivated to finish your last chemo and radiation treatment and do the same. The bell represents the sound of victory, you have crossed the finish line, it won’t be long before you are living your new normal, and enjoying life again. I hope this creates a wave of excitement, positivity and enthusiasm which inspires you to continue fighting, while focusing on the future.
My wife Ronni was my primary caregiver. She was awesome. A true rock star. Ronni provided me with the love and support I needed to make it through each day, while at the same time, shielding our three kids from the scary thought that their father had cancer and may not survive. She took care of me, while keeping our three kid’s lives as normal as possible. For that, I will forever be grateful.
When we spoke I told you I was not particularly optimistic or strong. I am fortunate to be married to a remarkable woman who gave me strength. I give credit to Maggie, who attended every consult, test and treatment.
My advice to those starting out is to be mindful of the caregiver. They too have limits of endurance and need to know they are loved and appreciated. They need time off from caregiving. I would give Maggie breaks so she could go out with friends or family and put cancer aside for a few hours. As she was renewed she could continue to support me.
It was not necessary to sit through a four hour chemo drip when I was asleep most of the time. She could use that time to go visits a friend. Similarly, as I would nap mid day or fall asleep early evening, she could take a few hours and have a respite.
Maggie needed such breaks so she could keep up her own physical and mental health. She needed time when the world did not revolve around my cancer treatment.
Watching someone you love battle cancer is scary and heartbreaking. Dealing with it from 3,000 miles away is awful. My best friend was diagnosed with stage IV oral cancer in Nov 2015. He lives in Las Vegas and I live in Detroit. Not being able to see him or talk to him while he was going thru treatment was excruciating.
His wife works out of town and he couldn’t be left alone during treatment. It was my honor and privilege to fly out to Vegas and care for him during four weeks of his treatment. While there, I was his primary caregiver. I drove him to chemo and radiation. I sat with him and held his hand during treatments. I fed him thru his gastric feeding tube. I went to his oncologist and radiation oncologist and acupuncture appointments with him. But more importantly, I was just there for him. I crawled into bed and watched tv with him. I let him vent. I hugged him and told him everything would be ok. I was his advocate at the hospital when he had no voice. I was strong for him when he wasn’t feeling strong. I was just there to love him and support him however I could.
While it is horrible to watch someone you love in so much pain, it was much easier for me to be there with him than to be 3,000 miles away worrying. I thought I was going out there to take care of him, but he actually took care of me. He comforted me. He made me smile. He gave me strength. I guess that’s just what best friends do for one another. Today he is in remission and I am grateful for every day that we have together!
Words of wisdom to help others:
1) Process the diagnosis its ok to be scared and upset at first. Those are normal feelings to have.
2) STAY OFF THE INTERNET, it will just drive you crazy. The message boards and self-diagnosing are not your friends.
3) Get your mind right (stay Positive) Prayer, stubbornness, & humor helped me stay focused on the positive.
4) Talk to someone who’s been there. I spoke to a guy who had just finished treatment before I started. I felt tons better after our talk.
5) Start healthy habits the heathier you are going into treatment the better off you will be.
6) Make sure you have a strong support system in place.
7) Keep busy, I worked through treatment and having that outlet was a welcomed distraction.
8) The last thing I want you to know is that you will be ok. You will get through this Be strong and fight hard.
Jim shared his seven goals that enabled him with belief set – managing state:
Beat it
Minimize impact to family
Maintain mental clarity
Maintain physical fitness
Deeper sense of appreciation for what really matters
Work straight through
Improve performance
Bill shared the following with me on Facebook:
“Pet scan news today my friend. There’s another stage 4 throat cancer survivor in the house! I told my docs about you today and all you are doing and I offered to do anything I can to support the docs and hospital that saved my life. Gave out lots of hugs today. Tracked down all of my docs, nurses and radiation techs. I asked the techs how often they see a stage 4 get clean results. I was shocked to hear they rarely hear from patients. Blew me away. How do you not thank the people that saved your life?”
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